


Choose

by skargasm



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-09
Updated: 2013-03-08
Packaged: 2017-12-04 17:17:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,166
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/713130
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/skargasm/pseuds/skargasm





	1. Choose - Original

**Title:** → Choose  
 **Rating:** → R  
 **Author:** → **Pairing:** → Spike/Xander  
 **Prompt:** → Prompt #346 : Non sequitur @ **Word Count:** → 1869  
 **Genre:** → AU  
 **Beta (s):** → Unbeta'd but proofread  
 **Disclaimer:** → Not mine.  
 **Summary:** → It was time for him to choose....

* * *

”How long?” 

“Huh – what?!” Spike's non sequitur interrupted his babbling story about his afternoon visit with Willow, throwing him completely off track. “How long what?”

“Just how long before you tell them the truth – about us I mean?” He couldn't hide his wince no matter how hard he tried. He simply wasn't ready to have this conversation again, not without a lot of prior warning and possibly alcohol. How did he explain why he was holding back in a way that Spike would understand, would accept?

Rolling to face his partner fully, he tried to get the right words out.

“Come on, you know it's not – it's not about – look, it's not why you obviously think!” He could tell by the slightly turned away profile, the stiffened shoulders and the tightly clenched jawline that his less than articulate sentence had not helped the situation in the slightest. 

“Right.” So much in that one word – a wealth of anger, frustration and hurt. It tore him up knowing he was the cause of it all and he wished not for the first time that there was something he could say or do **now** that would take that look from Spike's face.

“Come on Spike! You know I'm not ashamed of you – of us. It's just – the girls are always so busy with college and slayage and stuff. There never seems to be an opportunity – the right time to talk to them. I don't want a knee jerk reaction from them that could hurt you – you know Buffy sometimes gets into a whole big stake first ask questions later thing. And G-man, he - “

“Excuses. You don't want to have to choose. You think your little gal pals and the Watcher would be all horrified an' you can't risk that can ya? Not for me anyway!” Stunned at the vitriolic tone behind the accusation and the sheer pain in Spike's voice, Xander found himself completely unable to respond, a fact he regretted as Spike obviously took it as confirmation of what he said and rejection of him. Before Xander could find any words at all, Spike had leapt from the bed and was dragging on his clothes. The whole time he kept his face turned away, refusing to look at Xander at all. It cut deep because he knew it meant Spike was probably crying but didn't want Xander to see. 

“Spike, come on – can we - “

“Nothing more to say is there? Think you've made your choice and I;m not going to be your dirty little secret, not gonna pretend there's nothing going on. Says it all that you're find with Slayer playing punch the harmless vamp doesn't it? God, when will I bleedin' well learn eh? Bloody everyone I give my heart to stomps it into the ground – why should you be any different?” For the first time, Spike turned and looked at him and everything inside him froze at the naked agony displayed there for a moment. To think he had caused that was paralysing and he found himself completely unable to move as Spike grabbed his boots and ran from the room. 

What the hell was he going to? How could he convince Spike that he wasn't ashamed of them, that it really was just lack of opportunity and yes, a bit of fear that had stopped him so far?

* * *

Bloody slayer had a cheek! Slamming her way into Willie's and slapping the barman around was one thing; insisting he pass on a message to Spike demanding his presence was something else entirely. He'd fully intended on ignoring the summons but Willie informed him that he'd get no service anywhere including his blood supply from _any_ butchers in Sunnydale if he didn't show his face.

So here he was at the Magic Box and bloody typical all the lights were out and it looked like no one was there. If he hadn't run out of blood he'd have turned back round and gone back to his crypt – he had a bottle of Jack Daniels with his name on it and nothing else to do with his time now that he had accepted that Xander was never going to acknowledge him publicly. It wasn't like he wanted the boy to walk down the street holding hands or anything as poncy as that – he just wanted what? Acceptance maybe? Acknowledgment that he wasn't the Scoobies tame vampire but a full member of the team? After all, he wasn't any fledge fresh from the grave – he was a vampire with an illustrious lineage and could quite easily command a few demons to do his dirty work. It would take less than the snap of his fingers to get demons working for him, bringing him freshly slaughtered prey. But did he get any acknowledgment for it, any sign that they realised he was working with them not for them? Hell no, all he got was a permanently bloody nose and out of date blood bags begrudgingly given – he could barely remember why after the initial panic he hadn't just walked away from the selfish bastards. 

Throwing away his cigarette, he peeked through the shop window but couldn't see a bloody thing. Deciding they might be round the back, he strode quickly around the building and tried the fire door which opened easily. He didn't sense anything off but nevertheless he walked in cautiously, heading towards the sound of voices. As he got closer, he recognised Xander's voice and he took a deep breath, not quite sure he was ready to see the boy at the moment. A few more steps and he could actually hear what was being said.

“ - I've been a coward and I don't deserve him! No, Willow, I'm talking at last so you can listen! Yeah, he's a vampire and a pain in the ass; he's rude, sarcastic and I wouldn't trust him with my wallet in a bar but he's also loyal and he's been shedding blood for us for months!”

“Xander - “ That was the slayer's voice, full of derision.

“NO! You guys know why I've asked you here and I know you think it's a spell or infatuation but it's not! I love him. And he loves me. And unless you guys can start to treat him as part of this team - the way you did Angel and Oz and various other demons – then, well then you can count me out too!”

“Oh my God, it's worse than I thought!” That was Willow's voice, faint with shock and Spike could hear her picking up and dropping books, obviously researching what spell the boy seemed to be under. There was one more voice of dissent Spike was waiting to hear – he was shocked but also incredibly happy that Xander was doing it – he was claiming Spike loud and clear. He had never expected threats of leaving the group if they didn't accept Spike as a full member. This was so much more than he had ever - 

“I wouldn't move even an inch if I was you Spike. That **is** a stake you can feel against your chest and I won't hesitate to use it.”

“Yeah? An' just how would you explain that to the boy?”

“Explain what exactly? A small pile of dust in my shop? You've been hiding from him for at least a few days according to Xander – not exactly a big stretch to think you've left town altogether - “

“Bollocks, I wouldn't leave him and he knows it!”

“Does he? You sure about that?” A bolt of fear shivered down his spine and Spike realised Xander was indeed insecure enough to assume that yes, following their argument Spike had left him. Bloody hell - 

“What do you want?” This made no sense – why would the Watcher warn him? Why not just dust him?

“Do you love him? Well as much as a demon can love?”

“What's it to y – okay, okay!” A sharp jab cut off his automatic snark. “Yeah, I love him – demon or not, when I love someone I do it with my whole heart. An' I don't care what you lot say, I ain't leaving him so do your worst.” A deep breath and he closed his eyes, waiting for the Watcher's next move. The silence stretched out and he felt twitchy – why didn't the wanker just get it over and done with? It wasn't like Spike could fight him off with the chip in residence. 

“Fine. But if you hurt him, I will track you down and make Angelus look like Father Christmas.” Stunned, he opened his eyes and turned to the Watcher who had stepped backwards into the shadows once more.

“I - “

“I don't want details thank you very much. I know what you could have done chip or no chip. Just see that you treat him well. And Spike? There will be no turning him, not in my lifetime. Do I make myself clear?” He found himself nodding automatically even though he wasn't sure he could follow that edict. Time would tell but the Watcher was practically giving his blessing – a shock to the system to say the least. “Go back to the front of the shop and come in properly. And make sure you act surprised, got it?” Another nod and he found himself standing outside again with no real idea how he got there.

Christ, just when had life got to bloody unpredictable? Aware of time ticking away and suddenly desperate to see Xander, he shoved the front door of the shop open and stomped into the Magic Box. A moment of complete darkness before glaring lights and loud voices shouting “Happy Anniversary!” 

“Bloody hell!” There was a huge cake, Buffy and Willow standing on either side of it. Their smiles were obviously strained but they were smiling. Giles was leaning against a wall, giving Spike a smile that was vaguely threatening. And there was Xander, looking scared, stressed out but hopeful. Xander who had told his friends that if he had to choose, he would choose Spike. After all they had been through together, all those years, he chose _Spike_.

Three long strides and he was in those arms, held tightly enough to make his bones creak a little and his mouth was taken in a possessive kiss that seared him down to the soles of his feet. And he gave everything he had in return – how could he not? The girls would get used to him, the Watcher had given his warnings and was no longer a blockage, and even with the chip he was the happiest he had been in years. Far, far beyond any hopes he had buried deep, he could only hold on tight, determined to not lose the first person to choose him in over one hundred years.

* * *

fin

* * *


	2. CHOOSE - ALTERNATE ENDING

For those of you who like things a little bit darker, this is the alternate ending to CHOOSE:

* * *

“I wouldn't move even an inch if I was you Spike. That **is** a stake you can feel against your chest and I won't hesitate to use it.”

“Yeah? An' just how would you explain that to the boy?”

“Explain what exactly? A small pile of dust in my shop? You've been hiding from him for at least a few days according to Xander – not exactly a big stretch to think you've left town altogether - “

“Bollocks, I wouldn't leave him and he knows it!”

“Does he? You sure about that?” A bolt of fear shivered down his spine and Spike realised Xander was indeed insecure enough to assume that yes, following their argument Spike had left him. Bloody hell - “Especially if the stories about Drusilla visiting Sunnydale briefly were true.” 

“What friggin' stories?? Dru's in Brazil, boy knows that. He wouldn't think – he – what the bloody hell do you want?” He shifted uneasily but the Watcher followed his movements with no difficulty, keeping the stake in the optimum position. Why would he lie about Drusilla? What could the Watcher possibly want that - “You want him for yourself?! Christ, you – what the hell?!” This couldn't be happening – it made no sense at all. That the Watcher thought Xander might turn to him with Spike in the picture was ridiculous. Yeah, there was affection there but Xander wouldn't look at Rupert twice as long as Spike was on the scene......OH!

“I just wanted to see your face as I told you who would be comforting him when you're gone!” Too late, realisation struck him. Disbelieving shock froze him in place as the words sank in at the same time as the Watcher pulled back his arm and slammed it forward, sharp stabbing pain the last sensation and the resolute expression on the Watcher's face was the last thing he saw.....

* * *

fin

* * *


End file.
